Life Unscripted

Does Mother’s Day find you in an uncomfortable place?  It is not by chance you found these words today.  You need a few moments to be encouraged, beautiful friend.   Push that darling little brew button on your coffee maker and pull up a seat at the table and let’s talk through this thing.   

Because you are worth it.  And because God knew you needed to read these words today.   

I am so excited to share a letter from a dear friend.  Loretta has shared before and this has come at the perfect time.  Mother’s Day.  Here is Loretta’s heart titled “The Barren Woman.” 

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To the Barren Woman,

I’m writing you this Mother’s Day to encourage you to keep moving forward and never give up on your dreams. I am not just another woman that doesn’t understand your pain. I’m a woman who has walked in your shoes. I’m a woman that has been through the fight of being barren and still battle it today. 

It is a struggle that can’t even be described in words. I’m one of the women that has faced the pain and suffered the loss of not being able to feel life growing inside of me. I’m one that has soaked my pillow many nights crying out to God asking Him “Why me, what did I do to deserve this pain?“. 

Quoting scripture after scripture to God as if God didn’t know what He promised in His Word. I was in every prayer line hoping and praying that someone would speak a word over my situation to encourage me that God heard me. Wanting nothing more to be pregnant, but always ending up empty handed. 

Yes, I have felt the pain and brokenness. I have had well meaning people say to me “how blessed” I was to not have to endure the pain of childbirth. Can I just say please don’t say that to a barren woman, because no matter how much you are trying to ease their pain it’s a kick in the face. 

I know the pain of walking around trying to be happy and rejoice for the rest of the pregnant women you meet. Please don’t think we are not glad for you, because we are it is just the human selfishness that surfaces no matter how hard we try to hide the truth that we face each day. You see this barrenness is a painful battle for us every day of our lives. 
  

I have been married to a wonderful man for 25 years and I am in my 40’s and I must tell you during the intimate moments it’s still emotionally painful at times. The feeling of failing my husband as a woman. The feelings within myself as not being a woman because something is wrong with me. 

It still is a slap in the face for me. I still have a longing for the experience of having a baby. I still cry and struggle with angry and rejection when I hear of or see someone pregnant. I encourage you that you are not alone. 

Don’t ever let someone tell you that you are having a pity party and that you should not feel this way… God made us woman to be fruitful and desire children. Your pain is real and Mother’s Day is a struggle and a grim reminder that you were chosen to be barren. 

But one thing that I have learned is that God knows what He is doing in my life and while I may feel loss and pain He is still God. I trust His direction for my life. 

In my case I changed my prayer for children… In September 2012, me and my husband adopted 3 children that God prepared for us. Katelyn, Victoria and Christian are blessings from God into our lives. I tell my children that while I was praying for children God was working on my behalf. 

Is the pain and desire still there to want to be pregnant? Yes, it is! But in all God’s goodness He gave me a blessing far greater than I could have ever imagined. 

So to the Barren Woman who is still Motherless on this Mother’s Day be encouraged that each day is a day closer to your destiny and purpose. God is not punishing you, but He is preparing you for greatness… 

Love in Christ my friend.

From Another Barren Woman