Allow me to set up the scene for you.
I’m getting ready to pick up Landon from Gary’s arms and bring him to bed. Upon entering his room, my eyes gaze upon a horrific sight : a GIANT mutant creature (a.k.a. Palmetto Bug a.k.a. Biggest cockroach EVER).
A life or death decision must be made: 1 – Scream. (Wait, can they hear? Will it scurry across the carpet and result in more screaming?). 2 – Get the hubs to come kill it. 3 – Suck it up and quickly find a murder weapon.
I made a split second decision to go with option 3. Options were few. Talking dump trucks, Mickey Mouse plush character, or bright blue guitar. See Exhibit A – Murder weapon of choice – bright blue guitar.
Upon smashing three times, I take a deep breath and thinking I committed the perfect crime, I go to my accomplice praying for a tag-out. No go. See Exhibit B – green fly swatter – assistant to murder weapon to transport victim to be flushed to a proper memorial.
Exhibit C would be if the victim had experienced a successful homicide, yet it is apparent the mutant species is made of steel and crawled its half smashed body behind the washing machine.
If you need me tonight, I will be sleeping in the car. Possibly with the blue guitar. Just in case…. Just in case people… #freakedout #omg #floridalife #hashtag
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